Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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