My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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