please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
