i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well, you know. whores of a feather.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
