my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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