I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
