So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
