My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
