I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
