Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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