I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
