i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize