Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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