Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize