I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
