Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize