did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
