My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
