i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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