do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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