Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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