sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
