At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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