3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
