i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
