Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
