Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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