butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
