How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
