we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
