so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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