thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
