Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize