I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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