somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize