hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
