i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
