We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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