I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
