Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
MIDGETS
????
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
