Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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