In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
