I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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