I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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