he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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