Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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