How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize