apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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