I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And then he peed in my hair
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