This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
