Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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