Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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