ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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