If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ladies don't puke and tell
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
