like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
