You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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