I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
