i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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