She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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