And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
