alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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