today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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