It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
