You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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