I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
