Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
