come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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