It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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