Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
