you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
