Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
