I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
