So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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