next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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