my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
