we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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